Medical

Anguish festers, not having being caring doing enough Not enough to salve the suffering, Like a medic behind the front lines, Arbitrary lines, enemy lines too – Synesthete to unseen struggles, Bearing witness to uncertainty. Loss. Sheltered and “safe,” guilt echoes with every knock. Overwhelmed, retreating, But oh please, not too far. Beyond walls, masks,…

On April 29th Anthony Fauci announced the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, an institute he runs, had completed a study of the antiviral remdesivir for COVID-19. The drug reduced time to recovery from 15 to 11 days, he said, a breakthrough proving “a drug can block this virus.” Now people are clamoring for…

I pull my car into the garage and exhale wearily.  I’ve just finished rounds at the hospital, including PUIs for COVID-19.  I’m lucky.  I get a new N95 every day, but still, I’ve seen the steady reports of diligent physicians getting infected, so I know I must be careful.  I strip off my scrubs in…

April 2020 was to be a month of personal milestones. I would be traveling to Mexico with sixty closest friends and family to marry the woman of my dreams. Twelve days later, I would celebrate my thirtieth birthday. Suffice it to say, I was looking forward to April with the excited anticipation of a child…

As I sit through another meeting discussing our facility’s preparedness for COVID-19, my mind circles back to my infant at home. Husband and I are both frontline physicians, fully aware we may need to take on more shifts and responsibilities. Do I have a COVID-19 preparedness plan for my family? What will I do if…

Many radiologists choose the specialty because they don’t like interacting with sick people. As a highly sensitive person, I went into radiology to distance myself from patient suffering, as a means of self-protection. Radiology has allowed me to compartmentalize, sort of. It allowed me to have three healthy babies: one in residency, one at the…

In the 1800s, smallpox ravaged the world.  Fortunately, a vaccine had been developed that could protect individuals.  This vaccine left a scar at the site of injection and identified the individuals as “immune.” As we look towards the future of the COVID-19 pandemic, unless the virus burns out or an effective therapeutic intervention becomes available,…

Around three weeks ago, my 72-year-old patient, Mr. J., woke up feeling severely short of breath. He felt unusually tired, noticed a dry cough, and felt achy in his arms and legs. Suspicious of COVID-19, he and his wife called an ambulance and went to the nearest New York City emergency room. At first, the…

Many years ago, I was given a literary award from the Mary Roberts Rinehart Foundation.  It was for $175 and was an encouragement to finish an American Indian novel I was then writing. “Not enough to quit your job,” I remember was a line from the letter I received from the foundation’s rep, Barbara. And…